Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
One of a Million
There's a difference between being one in a million and one of a million. Today, I'm feeling like the latter.
After reading a blog post about feeling like a fraud as a writer (and the fear that everyone else will recognize your lack of talent) and then another about writing buddies and their importance in the process, I feel like I totally missed the boat here. I haven't even taken a creative writing course since my first university degree, for Heaven's sake! Who am I to think that I will write a "readable" book?
Ok, maybe I'm just suffering from the self-doubt that is apparently just part and parcel of being an author. I was actually up last night, (not just because of 3 month old Thing #3) wondering when exactly do I get to call myself an author, and not just a writer? Is it when I have an agent, a contract, a book in print? Is it when I have a finished product, a totally revised manuscript ready for queries?
I'm sure it cannot be now, as I create, destroy, and recreate daily in order to make something Real out of my imagination.
After reading a blog post about feeling like a fraud as a writer (and the fear that everyone else will recognize your lack of talent) and then another about writing buddies and their importance in the process, I feel like I totally missed the boat here. I haven't even taken a creative writing course since my first university degree, for Heaven's sake! Who am I to think that I will write a "readable" book?
Ok, maybe I'm just suffering from the self-doubt that is apparently just part and parcel of being an author. I was actually up last night, (not just because of 3 month old Thing #3) wondering when exactly do I get to call myself an author, and not just a writer? Is it when I have an agent, a contract, a book in print? Is it when I have a finished product, a totally revised manuscript ready for queries?
I'm sure it cannot be now, as I create, destroy, and recreate daily in order to make something Real out of my imagination.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
On Writing
I'm writing every night now, which I have decided is good for my neuroses as well as my intellect. I'm writing a paranormal-romance-escatological-epic story that will probably have a sequel or two. I'm totally in love with the characters, and find writing so much easier this time around.
I wonder why that is, whether it's that the story is so much tighter, that the plot is exciting to me, that it's not so damned self-involved. I'm hoping that it marks a new stage in my evolution as an author - that I'm actually enjoying every aspect of this process, while still totally intimidated by it.
I'm also writing a series of children's books, based loosely around my own children and spurred on greatly by their imaginations. So far, I have written one and sketched out another. I wonder, though, if it's more difficult to get childrens' book published, especially if they aren't illustrated...and no one wants to see me try to illustrate the darned things.
I think I might have found what this blog is for - to chronicle the hardships and joys as I try yet again to reinvent myself as an author. I want this as badly as I wanted to be a teacher, nearly as much as I wanted children.
God willing, I will be successful at all three for the rest of my life.
I wonder why that is, whether it's that the story is so much tighter, that the plot is exciting to me, that it's not so damned self-involved. I'm hoping that it marks a new stage in my evolution as an author - that I'm actually enjoying every aspect of this process, while still totally intimidated by it.
I'm also writing a series of children's books, based loosely around my own children and spurred on greatly by their imaginations. So far, I have written one and sketched out another. I wonder, though, if it's more difficult to get childrens' book published, especially if they aren't illustrated...and no one wants to see me try to illustrate the darned things.
I think I might have found what this blog is for - to chronicle the hardships and joys as I try yet again to reinvent myself as an author. I want this as badly as I wanted to be a teacher, nearly as much as I wanted children.
God willing, I will be successful at all three for the rest of my life.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Hot hot heat
I'm not normally one to comment digitally on the weather, the sports I watch (Go Spain!!) or the minutae of my little life, but HOLY SPAMOLI it's hot out. Like Middle East hot. I, with my young-uns, am holed up in my comparatively cool basement hoping to avoid heat stroke.
I have noticed a few things about the heat.
#1. Children's moods spiral downward as the thermometer spirals upward.
#2. It is difficult to be elegant when covered with multiple layers of sweat.
#3. It is possible for a co-sleeping mother of a 2 month old to get less sleep than in cooler weather. I know, the mind boggles.
#4. Popsicles/juiceicles/ice cubes/freezing cold drinks cease to provide relief once the mercury rises past 29 degrees C.
Off I go to melt a bit more. Perhaps I'll melt off a pound or two...wishful thinking!
I have noticed a few things about the heat.
#1. Children's moods spiral downward as the thermometer spirals upward.
#2. It is difficult to be elegant when covered with multiple layers of sweat.
#3. It is possible for a co-sleeping mother of a 2 month old to get less sleep than in cooler weather. I know, the mind boggles.
#4. Popsicles/juiceicles/ice cubes/freezing cold drinks cease to provide relief once the mercury rises past 29 degrees C.
Off I go to melt a bit more. Perhaps I'll melt off a pound or two...wishful thinking!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Hrmmm...
So I'm not very happy with the layout of this blog...and I'm finding it more difficult than I had expected to fill it.
I guess I'm trying to figure out the persona that I want to send out into cyberspace to live, potentially forever.
I've started a new novel, without finishing the rewrite of my last. Slacker. I know. But this new story is so much bigger, so much BETTER. I know what I'm doing a little bit more this time around. It's less about finishing A novel than telling THIS story.
So there's the reason that this blog is already failing to be a part of my life, a place to put my thoughts. That, and my kids' entertainment/socialization/training to be humans is taking up most of my time.
My main character, Sera, is living the life I would have loved, but I'm figuring out that the life I would have loved would have been much more difficult than I had thought. It's funny, I can't even live vicariously in a perfected manner. I'm such a stressball...
Well, back to real life for me. Uploading pictures so distant relatives can watch my growing brood; folding laundry so my children aren't so rumpled all the time; making supper so they can grow to become stronger than me. At least I get to go to the Church this evening to try to find some reality in this life.
:)
I guess I'm trying to figure out the persona that I want to send out into cyberspace to live, potentially forever.
I've started a new novel, without finishing the rewrite of my last. Slacker. I know. But this new story is so much bigger, so much BETTER. I know what I'm doing a little bit more this time around. It's less about finishing A novel than telling THIS story.
So there's the reason that this blog is already failing to be a part of my life, a place to put my thoughts. That, and my kids' entertainment/socialization/training to be humans is taking up most of my time.
My main character, Sera, is living the life I would have loved, but I'm figuring out that the life I would have loved would have been much more difficult than I had thought. It's funny, I can't even live vicariously in a perfected manner. I'm such a stressball...
Well, back to real life for me. Uploading pictures so distant relatives can watch my growing brood; folding laundry so my children aren't so rumpled all the time; making supper so they can grow to become stronger than me. At least I get to go to the Church this evening to try to find some reality in this life.
:)
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Holy Crap!!
I'm finished the first draft of my novel! Finally! Writing at a rate of 6 pages an hour, I finished the ending that I've been putting off for so long.
I cried when I reread what I'd written a year ago. It's good. Really good. At least I think it is. Maybe? Maybe not...but at least it's finished, right? That counts for something...
(Apparently reaching this pinnacle doesn't automatically come with brand new self-assurance.)
Right now, I don't even care what anyone else thinks. I just can't believe I'm FINISHED!
I cried when I reread what I'd written a year ago. It's good. Really good. At least I think it is. Maybe? Maybe not...but at least it's finished, right? That counts for something...
(Apparently reaching this pinnacle doesn't automatically come with brand new self-assurance.)
Right now, I don't even care what anyone else thinks. I just can't believe I'm FINISHED!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
I finally get to be a rebel!
http://fullcomment.nationalpost.com/2010/06/01/its-ok-to-pick-on-fred-dolan-hes-a-christian/
After all the teenage years of wishing I was truly "alternative", I somehow fell into an alternative lifestyle without even noticing: Catholicism.
Now that we've eliminated every taboo around sex, gender, violence, and politics - religion is our generation's firestarter.
I honestly hadn't noticed this trend when I was an ultracool atheist... I was too busy looking down my nose at my mother ("Look at her, all enveloped in peace and contentment, a slave to a fairytale...") and others of her ilk.
Until I decided to come our of the closet, rosary and Bible in hand, I thought it was "all in good fun". Once I self-identified as Christian (and even worse, as Catholic), I felt a sense of being watched, judged, wondering what people were thinking of my Facebook interests and religious status.
At least I finally fit in somewhere, and it's just what I wanted when I was a kid - to fit in with a passionate group of misfits. Seems like a good plot for a movie script, no?
After all the teenage years of wishing I was truly "alternative", I somehow fell into an alternative lifestyle without even noticing: Catholicism.
Now that we've eliminated every taboo around sex, gender, violence, and politics - religion is our generation's firestarter.
I honestly hadn't noticed this trend when I was an ultracool atheist... I was too busy looking down my nose at my mother ("Look at her, all enveloped in peace and contentment, a slave to a fairytale...") and others of her ilk.
Until I decided to come our of the closet, rosary and Bible in hand, I thought it was "all in good fun". Once I self-identified as Christian (and even worse, as Catholic), I felt a sense of being watched, judged, wondering what people were thinking of my Facebook interests and religious status.
At least I finally fit in somewhere, and it's just what I wanted when I was a kid - to fit in with a passionate group of misfits. Seems like a good plot for a movie script, no?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)