Friday, July 8, 2011

Realizations. Introspection is never fun.

I've been wandering around the blogosphere trying to find some people whose political ideology matches mine (with only one success so far)and I've been a bit unnerved by the number of abandoned blogs there are out there. Blog after blog, click after click, I hit screens that haven't been updated in weeks, months, often years.

Then I realized...that's exactly what someone would find if they stumbled onto my blog. They'd find a stagnant relic in its infancy. I haven't been blogging long enough to have grown this into a teen or even a tween...and my little blog that I had such great hopes for is fading fast, held together by brief entries based on how rarely I write here, or based entirely on guilt for abandoning it.

In a twisted way, by abandoning this blog day after day, I am abandoning and moving away from the person I was when I started it. I was so excited about writing, the process, the problems, the (EEK!) publishing. I was looking forward to querying, rejection letters, to CREATING.

That life seems so far away now. I was on mat leave, I had ambition, energy, and a whole world in my head.

I'm wondering if I'm just living through year-long writer's block when it comes to Sera, or if this is what my life is now.

I am not a writer now. Perhaps I never was.